He forcibly and silently impregnated some guy's virgin wife, not only causing her to experience the nightmarish pain of childbirth without a medical aide, but ensuring her first born was not from her husband, who probably felt pretty pissed off.
He demanded the child be named jesus, and ordered them to look after him.
Jesus was a bit of a prat, and wondered around in later life, getting into all sorts of trouble. He made fun of old and sick people with cheap parlour tricks for a long while. Eventually someone told the authorities where this con-artist was, and they killed him on a cross.
Later, christians would worship that cross because it was used as a killling instrument for that sick twisted man. Also some silly wars would be held on the history of the dude who carried the holy cross to it's, and his, final resting spot.
Today and tomorrow is dedicated to that dude for some reason.
Merry crossmass!
Edit: also there's sometimes presents involved maybe





smiley. Up until the Sbrown incident, I like to think I was the heart of Off Topic for that reason. Off Topic was so much more vibrant when I was the mod of it. U: