Looking for a word choice/grammar/style - check on my mod

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Brainstone
401 Posts
Posted Aug 25, 2012
I need a native English speaker who checks my script for my mod The Aperture Alpha for mistakes regarding everything. The script contains mainly Glados voice lines. I want them to be really natural and atmospherical before they are voiced. (I need a voice actor yet, but that's another problem) What would Glados say, and how would she express herself? Which expressions and which sentences would she use, which rather not? Are there stylistical mistakes or plots, which are hard to understand? You have complete freedom over the whole document until it fits into the universe of Portal. You will of course be mentioned honorable and grateful in the credits. It would be good, if you had a bit experience regarding what is normal in subtitles for hearing-impades. (because I don't - it also is not really necessary)

But : Please don't underestimate the amount of work you would have to do. All in all, it is 25 maps a l? ### 13!! pages. Obviously, you will also spoil yourself the story part would you once decide to play the mod(I can already imagine what msleeper would say right now).

Thank you in advance.

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UsCobra11
272 Posts
Posted Aug 25, 2012
Replied 1 hour later
I'll do it.
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Brainstone
401 Posts
Posted Aug 25, 2012
Replied 5 minutes later
Great. I'll pm you the .doc
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Yenwood
95 Posts
Posted Aug 25, 2012
Replied 6 minutes later
I can try to help, and would love to, but I can't think of anything GLaDOS would say besides something injected completely with hate and sarcasm.
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FourthReaper
356 Posts
Posted Aug 25, 2012
Replied 2 minutes later
I see... First you asked for a way to make GLaDOS look like she's talking naturally through animations. Now you're thinking of what she would say, writing a script.

I wonder what you're up to.

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Brainstone
401 Posts
Posted Aug 25, 2012
Replied 2 minutes later

FourthReaper wrote:
I wonder what you're up to.

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Random
171 Posts
Posted Aug 25, 2012
Replied 11 minutes later
I could look it over if you want multiple opinions.
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NeXT-Gen_P0rtal
74 Posts
Posted Aug 25, 2012
Replied 10 minutes later
I've been told that I'm cruel/funny/sarcastic at times....

I'm also at a college reading level, and very, very good with grammar.

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Brainstone
401 Posts
Posted Aug 25, 2012
Replied 8 minutes later
Okay. We'll do it like this:

If you want to read it, no problem. PM me your email and I'll send it to you. (forum doesn't allow .doc attachments)
the thing is: You somewhat spoil yourself the experience when you will read the script. In my opinion, one person is enough. Two isn't bad either. I definitely don't need many. But if you want to read it, as said, pm me your email.

(You will be mailed the document get it in around 10 hours, because I'm going to bed now)

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ChickenMobile
2,460 Posts
Posted Aug 26, 2012
Replied 7 hours later

Brainstone wrote:
(You will be mailed the document get it in around 10 hours, because I'm going to bed now)

You sleep for 10 hours? Good god.

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Aicxe
69 Posts
Posted Aug 26, 2012
Replied 12 minutes later
Editor-in-chief here, volunteering my impeccable grammar skills if your proofreaders die in a fire or something.
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Yenwood
95 Posts
Posted Aug 26, 2012
Replied 7 hours later

Aicxe wrote:
Editor-in-chief here, volunteering my impeccable grammar skills if your proofreaders die in a fire or something.

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Brainstone
401 Posts
Posted Aug 29, 2012
Replied 3 days later
Hm. UsCobra has decided to leave out five pages. So random, Next_gen, Aicxe, if you still want to read, contact me, because I think it is favourable to have two different opinions.
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UsCobra11
272 Posts
Posted Aug 29, 2012
Replied 6 hours later

Brainstone wrote:
Hm. UsCobra has decided to leave out five pages. So random, Next_gen, Aicxe, if you still want to read, contact me, because I think it is favourable to have two different opinions.

Hey hey hey, I told you why I left out 5 pages.

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Brainstone
401 Posts
Posted Aug 29, 2012
Replied 23 minutes later
I didn't want to accuse you. I am sorry if it sounded that way.
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UsCobra11
272 Posts
Posted Aug 29, 2012
Replied 2 hours later

Brainstone wrote:
I didn't want to accuse you. I am sorry if it sounded that way.

OOHHHH. My bad actually. I thought you said "He left out 5 pages, so random!" But you were actually talking to the guy, Random.

Fail on my part